First off, I am sorry for not posting anything in a while. We’ve just recently bought a new place and between waiting for sofa deliveries and catching up on season 4 of Suits, I have had no time to dedicate to a meaningful blog!

I have, however, been thinking a lot about my general experiences at restaurants and it inspired me to list out some of the things that annoy me the most about dining out. I’m sure most of you will identify with at least four or five of these and if I have missed any crucial ones, please do drop a comment below!

1.Waiters bringing your bill out before you ask for it

What is this all about? I was at MeatLIQUOR a couple of weeks back and the waitress, who by the way was absolutely lovely up until she committed this cardinal sin, brought out our bill straight after we’d demolished our burgers. I stopped her in her tracks and told her what I wanted was the filth pie, not the bill! She apologised and got us the dessert. Look, unless I have gone way over my ‘2 hour slot’, do not bring me the bill unless I ask for it.

2. Waiters who prematurely take your plate away 

This really gets my back up. I talk a lot. Fact. Talking a lot does inevitably mean you eat slower (unless you are just straight up rude and talk with your mouth full of slobbery mush, yuk). I was once in a restaurant where I was literally just taking a 5 minute break from my food and before I had a chance to protest, boom- my plate was whisked away! Am I the only one who takes mini breaks during dinner? No, didn’t think so. Leave my plate alone.

3.They seat you in front of the window

Ok maybe this is just me but whhhhyyyy? I know why, of course. Restaurants want to be seen as being as busy as possible so naturally they seat most of their customers at the front where passers by can see. Thing is, I’m not a zoo animal. I don’t want to be on display in front of your single glazed windows and front door where I’m the victim of a cold chill every time that bleeding door opens! If I want to sit at the back where I’m warm and away from prying eyes, unless I am unreasonably asking for a 6-seater when there are only two of us, just let me.

4.Restaurant staff who get too friendly and comfortable/rude

I am here to eat, not to find out where you grew up or how many kids you have. Mr.N and I went to Wagamama around five years ago in Canary Wharf and I will always remember this trip. I couldn’t finish the cheesecake, I was so ‘katsued’ out that I just threw in the towel. We asked for the bill and the waitress just looked horrified at me.

“Finish your cheesecake, you have left it”

“oh no, I’m stuffed, I wish I could”

“oh go on, I am sure your boyfriend would like it if you put on a bit of weight”

Oh yeah, that conversation actually happened. What I wanted to say was “well, maybe you should just give me some of your weight”. I didn’t say that, I’m not mean enough. She was lucky I didn’t complain to her manager. Mr.N, of course, found it hilarious and tipped her!

5.Phonaholics 

Unless there is an emergency or you absolutely have to answer that work email, put your phone away. It’s nothing shy of rude when you are glued to your phone all throughout dinner at home, let alone in public! Eating is socialising, talk to the person in front of you, not your screen. I have a friend, Miss.V, who is grossly guilty of this- it has got to a point where we often confiscate her phone during dinner! Mr.N does it too, says he is checking the football. Lies. Anyway, life is short, don’t be that person.

6.Asking stupid questions

I never knowingly talk down to people but if you ask me a stupid question, you’ll get the look from me!

We ordered a chocolate fudge brownie with ice cream recently at a restaurant and the waitress asked if we wanted cutlery with our dessert. No, I was going to snort the cake through my nose and eat the ice cream with my hands until I got frostbite.

7.Splitting the bill 15 million ways

I can’t begin to stress how much this irritates me. Ok, six people splitting the bill equally on cards and cash, fine. Those awful 12 people who very literally split the bill into pennies, get out right now! If you are that tight, you probably shouldn’t be eating out in the first place. It isn’t actually fair on the poor waiter or waitress who has to carry around petty change just to deal with your nonsense.

8.People who go to buffets and waste food

The amount of people who just don’t give a sh*t about the wastage on their plate is shocking. That buffet is not running away, if you are unsure if you will like something, take a small amount and if you like it go back for more. I am not going to use the “there are kids in Africa who don’t get to eat” line but seriously, putting items on your plate just for the sake of it is not cool.

These are just a few of my peeves for now! No doubt that the older I get and the lower my tolerance gets, and the longer this list will get!

Keep an eye out for my new blog on Lima Floral coming soon.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend!